I Went to the Animal Fair: by Heather Kopp
A memoir.
A journey through madness to meaning.
From the cover:
For much of her life, she couldn’t see or hear herself—she felt immobile, invisible, blind, silent. But as Heather Harpham began to pick away at the tangled know of her life through her writing, vivid images engulfed her—and the subconscious symbols of her troubled past found words.
I Went to the Animal Fair is one woman’s extraordinary search for herself, her past, and spiritual meaning during a gut-wrenching year of memory and madness. A stirring odyssey of the soul, it explores the depths and dimensions of real transformation—and is a crucible of healing and hope for those who are embarking on their own journey.
Why should you read this book?
I Went to the Animal Fair is expressive and poetic. Heather shares pieces of her. Her feelings, her longings, her ability to find meaning in the ordinariness of life. This book might express something we all feel but struggle to say.
Excerpts:
“This is the first year of my life, really. I’m just figuring that out. How they have all added up to this. To waking up in the dead hollow eyes of ordinary and seeing the life I’ve failed to live. And I begin to cry and bawl and beat my office walls with my shoes.”
“I have a new question. Or maybe it is a new theory. I’ve decided there’s no such things as love. When I made the discover, I laughed. It’s so obvious. Of course there is no such thing as the kind of love I’ve been longing for ever since I started to have longings.
Oh, there are people laughing together. People needing each other. People making each other feel powerful or pretty. I’ve had those things. But there’s no such thing as love that is only pure love.
Maybe that’s why everyone likes to imagine it so much, talk about it, sing about it, write about it. It’s real enough to make you reach for it. But your hand settles on empty air and you recoil in shock and terror. And you’re embarrassed that you even tried.”
“I went to the beach for a whole day last week with an older woman, a writing friend. She is not motherish. But she is mentorish. Wise. And slightly terrifying to me because she knows exactly who she is. And because her eyes can see right through me.
I was determined not to say a word. About my father. About my struggle. But she was like a lion next to me in my van. Not voracious. But like Aslan.
I blabbed my pain. I said I can’t get over it. The man. That I can’t have him. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? That void. That void. That hole. He has walked away. But I can’t seem to. I don’t want to walk away. I am trying to walk away.
She said nothing and everything. We watched the gulls. We rented a room and I read her stuff and she read mine. We sipped wine after lunch. Then we read each other’s poetry aloud and propped up on pillows and watched the men go by.”
About the Author
Heather Kopp is an author, blogger, and freelance editor. I Went to the Animal Fair is one of her first books. Her most recent book was the novel, My Name is Venus Black (The Dial Press/Random House, February 2018), published under her maiden name, Heather Lloyd. She also wrote a recovery memoir, Sober Mercies (Hachette, May 2013) that chronicled her journey out of alcoholism. For several years she wrote a popular blog about recovery and spirituality called Sober Boots.